All nature is but art, unknown to thee

Boredom, incorporated.

2006-10-13T15:59:36Z

David watched Jazlyn dart forward again and again, launching the tiny origami boats they'd spent all morning making. Meris sat serenely by her side, keeping an cautious eye on his hyper little daughter, her feet hanging down into the water and giving the occasional small splash that made Jazlyn giggle.

Pier 4's warm deck vibrated as Jazlyn ran back and forth, and David looked up from the reports he was writing to give her a brief grin. The day was warm and cerulean-skied, with a brisk breeze--soon fall would come to the 'lanteans, and he'd have to keep Jazlyn inside more...but for now, the three of them basked in the wan sun, completley content.

....except for the obvious lack of two boyfriends, of course.

David tapped his comm and dialed Cal's channel first, then Marc's, joining the two together with a twist of his fingers--conference calling via comm.

"it's a beautiful day, you know, you two....and Jazlyn and I are getting older by the minute...you'll miss both of us growing up if you dont' come play with us."

Calling calling for something in the air--Calling calling I know you must be there

2006-09-24T02:50:56Z

David didn't let Cal's hand leave his as they ran down the winding corridors to their quarters--he'd never have endangered Cal's reputation for being a hardass otherwise--but frankly he was worried out of his skull, not only for his Sister, but for Rachel, the baby, and Jazlyn. Meris had the smaller set of rooms just across the hall, and the door opened quickly as they staggered up. He didn't immediately see Meris or his daughter, and he called Jazlyn's name in a slightly panicked voice.

"Jazlyn!! answer me! Petit!!! ou est tu?--"

david_parrish @ 2006-09-11T01:57:00

2006-09-11T07:05:35Z

Meris turns and gives him a sweet, serene smile and a small wave as Jazlyn drags her though the open doorway and into the hall. Today is a meandering walk around the balconies, talking about water and wind and the planet, how seasons will change and how the sun and moon rise and fall with the world's turning. Jazlyn barely understands any of it, but she loves to listen--especially to Meris. Leyma will be joining them today, perhaps Jinto--the two are inseperable of late, and it seems likely today will be no different.

The door slides quietly, softly shut behind them, dampening the sound of Jazlyn's soft, sweet giggles as Meris tells her some amusing thing or other.

An entire day to himself....an. entire. day.

Marc and Cal are both away doing work of some importance, he's sure--but today is David's day off.
He'd dressed this morning to go and wake Jazlyn, to get her dressed, to feed her breakfast and get her ready for Meris's pickup--she'd spent the night in their rooms instead of Meris's--it really depended on what mood they were all in. He slips slowly out of his clothes again until he's shirtless and barefoot, wearing only a faded, overlarge pair of Marc's sweatpants. With a content sigh, he curls up on the couch in a square of pale yellow light and cuddles down with a small stack of non-work books.

If he's lucky he'll get a nap before Cal and Marc come home....and if he's very lucky, Cal and Marc will come home and wake him up in the best way possible. With those pleasant thoughts, David snuggles in to read a bit, and doesn't get ten pages before he's fast asleep again, warmed by the midmorning sun.

david_parrish @ 2006-08-21T20:48:00

2006-08-22T01:58:11Z

Alamric hadn't meant to spray defoliant on him, of that he was mostly certain...but it hadn't helped his feelings any that instead of panicking and running around like a proper subordinate, the man had stood there, mouth gaping. It'd been more than a month since he'd had the energy to well and truly yell at a member of his lab team....and if the safety measures they'd failed to take into account were any indication, it was one shouting session that was well-timed. He scowled down at the stains on his khakis, and dodged a few expedition members pouring out of the mess hall as a habit. His luck ran out after the third body dodged, though, and he ran flat-out into someone.

He glanced up, apology on his lips, and grinned at his twin, twining his arm in hers.

"Saera!! God, I swear I saw you more often when we were in different parts of the country than I do now!"

david_parrish @ 2006-08-01T17:44:00

2006-08-01T22:50:24Z

David shifted Jazlyn so that she could hang around his neck piggyback-style as they walked the halls on their way to Cal's lab. It was past 1, and he hadn't seen his lover in the cafeteria, so he and Jazlyn were delivering lunch before returning to the safer botany labs. He wanders in, smiling and nodding to the techs he knew, he and Jazlyn peering about for Cal.

david_parrish @ 2006-07-25T13:05:00

2006-07-25T18:13:49Z

They'd been talking for a few minutes about inconsequential things--the new plant in the labs, Reed's insistence on being a moron when Cal's just trying to tell him the correct way to do things, the latest reports from the Daedalus. Jazlyn had been eating quietly, her spoon clinking occasionally against the bottom of the glass dish. She's fallen quiet, though, and David feels her leaning heavily against his side. He glances down, worried at her sudden stillness, and smiles at finding her with her eyes mostly closed, one little fist pushed into Marc's palm, her head against his own shoulder. Cal's speaking, and once he finishes, David catches his attention and nods down at Jazlyn.

"I think it's time to get her somewhere quiet...she looks exhausted. A....are we really taking her home with us?"

All you never knew about me, and never wanted to ask.

2006-07-14T03:26:14Z

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now. (they should be coming home soon, though)	✓ I don't watch much TV these days. (There aren't any tvs to watch)	✓ I own lots of books. (mostly on origami, botany, and poetry/philosophy)
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses. (I wear contacts)	× I love to play video games.	✓ I've tried marijuana. (I'm a botanist...I had to experience the effects of a psychadelic first hand! :))
× I've watched porn movies. (embarassing, huh?)	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes. (only sometimes..it has to be a special occasion.)	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (I found out there was an Ancient city waiting for us, found out I was gay, fell in love with two men, and was reunited with my twin. yeah, I've changed I think :P)	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

* * * * *

× I have broken someone's bones.	✓ I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.	× I hate the rain.
× I'm paranoid at times.	✓ I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. (nods* on my scar.)*	× I need/want money right now.
× I love sushi. (blergh.....meat kinda freaks me out sometimes.)	✓ I talk really, really fast. (when I'm nervous)	× I have fresh breath in the morning.
× I have long hair.	× I have lost money in Las Vegas.	✓ I have at least one sibling. (Saera)
✓ I was born in a country outside of the U.S. (O Canada! My home and Native Land!)	✓ I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past. (shut up, it was a school thing.)	× I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
× I like the way that I look.	× I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.	× I am usually pessimistic.
× I have a lot of mood swings.	✓ I think prostitution should be legalized.	✓ I slept with a roommate.
✓ I have a hidden talent.	✓ I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have. (vibrates* though I hardly show it--I have to spend a lot of time hunched over teensy plants and slides. It's why I sleep so easily, though--I'm always holding in the hyper--makes me tired.)*	× I have a lot of friends.
✓ I have pecked someone of the same sex. (big grin)	× I enjoy talking on the phone.	× I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
× I love to shop and/or window shop.	× I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.	× I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
× I have a mobile phone. (I do have a comm though)	× I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.	× I've rejected someone before.
✓ I currently like/love someone. (~goes pink~)	× I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	× I want to have children in the future. (I.....I'm not sure it's a choice I'll have.)
✓ I have changed a diaper before.	× I've called the cops on a friend before.	× I'm not allergic to anything. (apparently semi-sentient alien plantlife is my arch-nemesis.)
✓ I have a lot to learn.	× I am shy around the opposite sex.	× I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
× I have at least 5 away messages saved.	✓ I have tried alcohol or drugs before. (only beer, though!)	× I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
× I own the "South Park" movie.	× I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.	× I enjoy some country music.
✓ I would die for my best friends. (and my lovers)	× I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.	× I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
✓ I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.	× I have dated a close friend's ex.	✓ I am happy at this moment.
✓ I'm obsessed with guys.	× Democrat.	× Republican.
× I don't even know what I am.	× I am punk rockish.	✓ I go for older guys/girls, not younger. (older men are just sexier. the end.)
× I study for tests most of the time.	✓ I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	✓ I can work on a car.
✓ I love my job(s).	✓ I am comfortable with who I am right now.	× I have more than just my ears pierced.
✓ I walk barefoot wherever I can.	✓ I have jumped off a bridge. (long story. Saera found something interesting at the bottom and I couldn't figure out a way to get to her--I was worried so I jumped. I was picking shale from my legs for weeks.)	✓ I love sea turtles.
× I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.	× I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.	× I am proficient on a musical instrument.
✓ I hate office jobs.	✓ I went to college out of state.	× I am adopted.
× I am a pyro.	✓ I have thrown up from crying too much.	✓ I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
× I fall for the worst people.	× I adore bright colours.	× I usually like covers better than originals.
× I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.	✓ I can pick up things with my toes.	× I can't whistle.
× I have ridden/owned a horse.	× I still have every journal I've ever written in.	✓ I talk in my sleep. (not too much, I hope--but I know I do. Saera and I used to have entire conversations.)
× I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.	✓ I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	× I wear a toe ring.
× I have a tattoo.	× I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.	× I am a caffeine junkie.
× I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.	× If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.	× I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
× I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.	× I'm an artist.	✓ I am ambidextrous.
× I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.	× I have terrible teeth.
✓ I hate my toes. (long and scary and pale)	✓ I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.	× I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
× I have lived in either three different states or countries.	✓ I am extremely flexible. (ever so)	× I love hugs more than kisses.
× I want to own my own business.	× I smoke.	× I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
× Nobody has ever said I'm normal.	✓ Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then. (only 'cause Katie always blubbers, which makes me* blubber.)*	× I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
× I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.	✓ I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.	✓ I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
× I have played strip poker with someone else before.	× I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.	× I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
× I can't stand being alone. (I don't like it--especially not here...but I can stand it.)	× I have at least one obsession at any given time.	× I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
× I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.	× I'm a judgmental asshole.	✓ I'm a HUGE drama-queen. (at least I'm pretty sure I am grin)
✓ I have travelled on more than one continent.	× I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.	× I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
× I am a Libertarian.	✓ I can speak more than one language.	✓ I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
✓ I would rather read than watch TV.	✓ I like reading fact more than fiction. (I live* fiction.)*	× I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
✓ I have no piercings.	× I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.	× I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.	× There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.	× I like most animals better than most people.
× I own a collection of retro games consoles.	× The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.	× I have hit someone with a dead fish.
✓ I am compulsively honest.	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	✓ I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
× I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	× I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.	✓ I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
× I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.	✓ I dislike milk.	✓ I obsessively wash my hands. (if you touched harmful, poisonous fertilisers all day, you would too!)
✓ I always carry something significant around with me. (nod)	× Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	× I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
✓ Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.	× I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
✓ I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time. (clings to Marc* twice, I think?)*	× Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.	× I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
× I do not 'get' most comedy acts.	× I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing.	✓ I don't like to chew gum. (makes my jaw pop)
× I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.	× I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.	✓ I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years. (are you kidding? Saera started first, which triggered me, which then triggered her again. It was vicious.)
× I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other.	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.	× I love to sing.
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.	✓ I have a custom-built computer. (I think everyting we have is specially built.)	✓ I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it. (shifty eyes)
× I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.	✓ I've gone skinny-dipping. (TOTALLY KATIE'S FAULT)	× I've performed in three plays.
× I enjoy burritos.	× I'm Irish and loving it.	× I have a thing for redheads.
✓ I am a twin!	× Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.	× Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.
× I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.	× I sleep more than 12 hours a day.	✓ I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
× I need more time to myself.	× I wish I was more open-minded.	× I hope that I go really prematurely grey.
× I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend.	× I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	× I love playing Truth or Dare.	✓ I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
× Music helps me remember that I am not alone.	✓ Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	✓ I think this survey is particularly long.
× I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.	× I can only hate someone that I love.	× I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks.

Invasion, part deux

2006-07-13T00:05:01Z

The lab is quiet, perfect in it's silence, the way it always is late into the night, when only he and his plants are stirring. The uv lamp casts a blueish glow on his pale face as he bends over the bed of still-forming ZPM crystals. Each bed is encased in plasteel now, to guard against a repeat of the first growth cycle, but none of his new sprouts show any signs of instability.

He's just finished the delicate process of repositioning the crystalline fruits in the electrolyte solution when a warbling siren sounds overhead, making him drop the empty phial he'd been holding. Without question, he rushes out into the front lab and gathers his things, bringing them back to the more secure ZedPM lab. Cal's on another level, in the chem lab, and he wonders briefly if he should leave the door unkeyed, in case he needs to get in. He'd call, of course, and David locks both the outer door and the inner one, securing the dangerous ZPM crystals.

He taps his comm and contacts Cal, ignoring his shaking fingers.

"Cal...I'm still in here in the ZedPM labs....tell Mckay I'm going to be keeping an eye on this last maturing crystal...it may be ready, and I can give him more power, but not unless he asks for it."

he waits for an answer, then switches to Marc's private channel.

"Marc....I'm in the ZPM lab--I wanted to catch you b-before they sent you offbase....I don't know what's going on, but be careful, ok?"

pain, shared--pain, lessened. Let me walk this path, so neither of us have to walk alone.

2006-07-03T05:25:14Z

~Private Email~
To: Calvin Kavanagh, Head of Chemistry
From: David Parrish, Head of Botany

Cal--

Missed you this morning, I must have stayed up too late watching your bootleg Firefly episodes. Thank God today was my day off, or I would have been late to work.

Speaking of days off, I'm staying in and making lunch at the rooms today, if you're hungry..promise not to make anything weird.

I'll be waiting around noon.
--votre David

David rises from his laptop with a contented sigh, pulling Cal's long robe tighter around himself as he shuffles to the bathroom to shower. As he lathers and hums softly to himself, he thinks back to the previous night, and Cal's new bruise--the new information about Cal's past lover, and his abuse. It sickens him that he's never asked, that they've never talked about this...but he's prepared to remedy that, if Cal will let him. He'd seen the flash of guilt and fear in Cal's eyes, and he knows it well--that feeling that you might've deserved what you'd gotten....that this wont' be the last time...he'd expected to be attacked again every day since the greenhouse, and only now is comfortable being alone in the labs. He can't stand the thought of Cal feeling that way.

...prodigal botanist returns (June 18th)

2006-06-19T16:31:37Z

After a (fairly) uneventful night, the chattering birds and slowly brightening jungle had woken them to a clear, somewhat cooler morning. After gathering their things and securing all the samples, the Major and the rest of David's team make their way back to the 'gate. He's tired, he's dirty, and he mostly just wants to go home. There is something about today....he feels like he's forgotten to do something, as if he had something planned that he'd missed attending. He wouldn't have made plans, he decides, he'd known he was going offworld for more than a week.

.....maybe it'll come to him later

The sound of the gate engaging shakes him from his thoughts, and he adjusts his now-heavier backpack to reach down at his hip and send his IDC. Moments later they all walk through, back home.

Circumnavigate this body Of wonder and uncertainty Armed with every precious failure

2006-06-16T15:23:51Z

And amateur cartography
I'm breathing deep before
I spread those maps out on my bedroom floor
And I'm leaning on this broken fence
Between past and present tense

David doesn't touch the beretta strapped to his thigh, though he's more comfortable with it today than he was yesterday, thanks to Marc. He doesn't know the man leading his team, doesn't really need to know anything about him beyond the fact that Marc approves of him, trusts him....that's enough. He has fifteen pounds of equpiment on his back, and several specimen cases carried by Marines. It seems today it will be him, the team leader, and three Marines, no other scientists. The planet sounds calm enough, subtropical climate, dense vegetation, no signs of agressive fauna besides the chattering monkeylike creatures he'd read about in the preliminary report. He's excited to go, a little frightened, but happy to be finally getting offplanet again. His team leader checks him over again, pulling at straps and loops and clasps David doesn't even know about, and gives him an encouraging smile.

"stop looking so peaked, Doc...we'll take care of you, no problem. We're used to babysittin' scientists.."

David's smile turns sour and he gives the man a scathing look- "I don't need b-babysitting, thank you Major, just make sure your men don't t-trample the undergrowth."

The Major shakes his head and grins, slapping David on the shoulder goodnaturedly. "aww c'mon, I didn't mean it that way...I'm sure we'll all get along fine. Have to, we're sleepin out tonight!"

David's left adjusting the load on his back and scuffing at the dais with one lug-soled boot, his brow pinched in thought as he waits to see if Marc or Cal will be able to come see him off.

"I do not aim with my hand; he who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.

2006-06-13T13:40:34Z

I aim with my eye.
I do not shoot with my hand; he who shoots with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.
I shoot with my mind.
I do not kill with my gun; he who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father.
I kill with my heart." ---The Dark Tower (Stephen King)

David handles the heavy black weapon gingerly, as if the mere act of touching it makes it unsafe, somehow dangerous in it's very nature. He's sure the weapon is empty, the clip on the table in front of him, shining and pregnant with it's customary passegers of metal and gunpowder. The firing range is empty save himself, the lights low and soothing, though his fingers tremble regardless.

They'd all been taught how to handle the medium-weight general-purpose berettas before they were allowed to be considered for the expedition. Everyone down to the cookstaff was given a few days of light instruction on how to break the weapon down, load and unload it, hold, squeeze, fire. The cool metal in his fingers is still unfamiliar, somehow loathesome and frightening. He thinks maybe that's the way it should be--if he fears it, he won't hurt himself. David pushes himself to slide the clip home, a long breath escaping as it snicks into place. He chambers the first round and just holds the weapon for a moment, the metal slowly warming in his palm.

This will keep Cal safe--this will keep him safe. He's heard how the marines in the mess hall had tripped Dylan, even with Bates standing right there. The fear and nausea creep back again, and he holds his arms out straight, hands cupping the firearm. He won't be a victim again--won't let Cal or Marc be victims either.

The beretta trembles before him, poised in midair, and he does his best to squeeze the trigger, then finds he can't.

Home, home, body and soul

2006-06-06T21:38:35Z

Marc smiled arching his head as they headed back to his room. He smiled stepping through the doors before he dropped him on the bed. He smiled and climbed over him. "This'll make you feel better." He chuckled.

David's wriggled 'round so that he has both legs around Marc's hips by the time they get to the threshold. He grunts softly as he's dropped onto the bed, and opens arms and legs wide to let Marc crawl over him, cover him with his large, hard body.

"mmh, promise? Gonna kiss me all better?" He arches up and rubs into Marc, his head thrown back, a sly grin on his face.

You know that ghost is me And I will never be set free

2006-05-31T17:04:24Z

......As long as I'm a ghost that you can't see

She slips from the room where everything had gone wrong--had gone decidedly weird, his smaller hand in hers. Somehow that's so horribly wrong too--the idea of him and the slight sensation of knowing she gets when she thinks David...combined with a hand she assumes must have been her own. His body isn't unpleasant to be in--if she didn't know better, if she didn't know she was, in fact, QUITE female, it would feel right.

They must look a sight, dazed, blonde twins, hair ruffled and clothes dishevelled, wandering down Atlantis's busy halls. Well, if it had been anywhere else, it might look odd--here, apparently it's business-as-usual, because they get very few odd looks. She notices a few men and women in coats and uniforms, giving each a long, searching look.

"jeez, they all look like doctors! Don't...suppose we're in a loony bin or something do you?"
she whispers out the corner of his mouth, her voice pitched a little too loudly.

Homecoming

2006-05-09T16:01:23Z

The room is as close to the way Calvin left it as he can get...the boxes from the storage facility are stacked neatly in the corner, and all of Calvin's things are back in their rightful places. Except for the letters he'd written to them both--David keeps his in the pocket of his pants every day.

"We're heading down the hall w'll be there in a second Davey" comes Marc's reply--David can hear the smile in his voice--it's good to know he's finally happy again....they all are. He'd let Marc go fetch Calvin alone so they could have some time together, plus--he had things to prepare. The bed is clean and made, new sheets from the last Daedalus run, and new pillows. The curtains are drawn half-closed, bathing the room in soft golden light. David is sprawled across the bed, fresh from a shower, he'd worked hard unpacking all of those boxes. His hair is dark with moisture, and he wears only a pair of Marc's boxers. The framed photos Calvin had given them glint in the soft sunlight, and David breathes another long sigh of contentment, waiting for his men to come home.

Eulogy and Ritual

2006-04-27T23:05:22Z

David pressed his palms together, the surfaces clammy and damp. He fidgeted with his hands a moment, tucking a stray strand of pinkish hair behind his ear, head bowed as if in deep thought. The crowd rustled faintly, adjusting their feet, shuffling, quiet murmurs and coughing. The night had fallen clear and deep, the stars above almost frightening in their number and apparent nearness. The moon rose behind David, a ball of celestial silver in the cool velvet of black sky. The atlantean sea had fallen still at sunset, the waves almost careful in their gentle slap against the pier. The clay boats behind him clank softly together as the waves rock them, bearing their precious burdens of all the notes written by the assembled, save two. David still held his note, and Marc's in his pocket.

For a moment he is frozen, unsure of how to begin--how to sum up the man he had loved more than life, despite their painfully short time together. He thinks it impossible, for words to matter, especially now, before these people he's sure are only here for ceremony, for show. Suddenly it seems a bad idea--he and Marc should have done this alone--how could any of these people be sincere? He looked from Mckay's stoic face to Bate's pinched brow, to the tear-streaked faces of Saera and Katie, standing very near one another.....the few who cared would have to be enough.

"Doctor Calvin Penn Kavanagh" he begins in a hushed voice--and the small groups' soft noises cease as if commanded.

"Head of Chemistry on Atlantis Base, former science team lead for the SGC, a man of science, a man of reason, a man of courage and conviction."

He ducks his head a moment and clears his throat, steeling himself.

"A man I loved v-very much..." "Calvin was killed on a routine offworld mission four days ago. The rest of his team returned home, safely, but Calvin remained behind on the planet, even his body lost to us. Losing someone, anyone is difficult...but losing someone you love, and not even being able to retrieve his remains is....heartbreaking. We t-thank you all for coming here tonight as we try to lay loved one to r-rest."

he raises his head afer a few moments, tear-filled blue eyes intent on the crowd, his face a pale oval in the firelit darkness behind him.

"C-calvin wasn't always well loved, and I understand that in a way. I didn't even know I l-loved him until he was already in my h-heart. Before I knew it, I was unable to imagine my life without him. He was a man of principles, a man who stuck to what he believed was right, no matter what anyone said. That didn't always make him popular...but to m-me, it made him something special. Calvin always had the best of intentions, even when his actions were hard to understand, but I know we all have tried and failed to make those around us understand the importance of what we do--of what we say. Calvin never needed that encouragement, from anyone, to continue doing what he t-thought was right. I loved him, and I always will--in our private lives he was kind and considerate and perfectly loyal in all things. Marcus and I will always miss him, will always think of him--and Atlantis will be lessened without him."

his eyes challenge those whose eyes he meets, challenges them to understand, to see that his words are true, that while he had faults, Calvin was, at his core, a just and loving man. He has run to the end of his words--and has said all he can in defense of Calvin, to show his love, to make the crowd see, not with their biased eyes, but with his own loving ones.

He makes a small gesture with his hands at Mckay and Rachel, beckoning them to the small podium he stands behind.

"if anyone else would like to say a few words, p-please feel free, before we begin the ceremony."

David turns away as Mckay approaches, unable to look the man in the face with tears still swimming in his eyes--he knows the astrophysicist had issue with Calvin constantly, and he wonders briefly why the man wants to say anything. Marc is already seated in a chair behind the podium, and David falls limply into the chair beside him, clutching desperately at his hand.

I’m already incomplete--I know you will cover me, Broken by your empathy

2006-04-27T01:15:22Z

~Atlantis Base Labs and Engineering broadcast~

From Dr. David Parrish and Major Marcus Lorne

To friends of Calvin Penn Kavanagh-

As you all know, our Head of Chemistry, Dr. Calvin Kavanagh lost his life in a recent offworld mission.
As we have no body to commend to Atlantis's sea, or to settle deep into the mainland's dark earth,
an alternative ritual will be observed.

On the West pier at 1900 hours this evening, a memorial service will be held in his honor. We will
be observing an old Athosian ritual of lamplighting, and those who wish to may participate. Small sheets
of paper will be handed out, along with pencils, and whoever wishes to write a letter on behalf of the
deceased may do so. Each missive will be fastened to a small clay bowl with a lantern atop, and the
floating lanterns will be released at moonrise.

The loved ones of the deceased ask that any who wish to attend feel free to do so.

“Sometimes you have to let go....."

2006-04-17T21:58:22Z

......to see if there was anything worth holding on to.”

David waves his hand over the stack of blue crystals outside the room he, Marc and Calvin had once shared....he hadn't been here in days, ever since Marc returned. It remained dark inside, his flaky gene refusing to activate the automatic lighting controls. The entire room still smelled of them, all three of them....and as David stands in the middle of the room, a thin stack of cardboard boxes under one arm, he wonders where he'll get the strength to touch Calvin's things, to pack them away like they mean nothing...

Marc's on his way with a second stack of boxes, and David waits for him, merely standing in the middle of the room with his eyes closed, Calvin's phantom breath against his nape.

He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest,

2006-04-13T20:36:33Z

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

~encrypted jornal entry~

Marc's asleep, finally--I don't know how long we laid there like that, he cried 'til I was afraid he'd break...then just fell quiet all of the sudden. I'm not sure if he just went to sleep or fell unconcious from exhaustion and the leftover sedatives...whatever the reason I'm glad he's getting some rest. There was a huge noise from closer to centercity an hour or so ago--I could practically feel the vibrations from up here. Apparently my sister is getting comfortable in the labs. If Calvin were here, he'd be having a fit.

But he's not.

I don't know what to do...how to be...I'm so afraid, and I don't even know what of. I'm afraid of what I'll do if I stop thinking of just Marc...I'm afraid....of a lot of things.

.
.
.
.

he just started talking in his sleep, I don't know exactly what he's saying, but it sounds like the same words over and over--he did the same thing in the hospital the night after he came home. I guess we'll both be having nightmares for a long time. He won't tell me exactly what happened, just keeps saying it was his responsibility...that there was a fight...that he had to watch.

I have no idea.

But the idea of my Calvin fighting, even for his life, is as alien to me as the idea of living without him....I guess things change.
Anyway, he's getting restless, I need to get back into bed with him.
~end entry~

David closes his laptop quietly and slips back into bed, curling close and rubbing at Marc's shoulder, hoping to ease him out of fitful sleep without waking him.

I have fallen into an abyss. I live in a world so curious, so strange

2006-04-05T14:55:57Z

.......Of the dream that was my life, this is my nightmare.

The air was dense, cloying with some undercurrent of disturbing sweetness. The crimson sky roiled overhead with clouds of obscene yellow and pale pink--everything was wrong, wrong. The foliage pushed in on him as he ran, scraping his cheeks and bare arms with wicked thorns and clawing branches. have to run, have to go, find them....find them....they're dying, have to.." his feet kept rhythm on the ground, twined with the rhythm of the words in his head. He could hear Calvin's voice, it echoed in the sickly green forest around him, a voice he was afraid he'd never hear again, twisted, agonised, made frightened and frenzied. Every time David stops, pauses to listen, he hears the voice again--somehow Calvin's overlaid with Marc's, the words lost in the filmy, acrid air.

I'm coming! he shouts..wait for me..please, wait for me......

but the voices fade, a last tortured scream his only reminder that they were every really there...and he's left panting, shirt clinging tightly to his sweatsoaked skin, lost in an alien forest and unable to help--unable to save them.

--

David wakens with a start, eyes blinking up at the dark ceiling above him--he'd had this dream every time he'd slept in the last three days-when Saera had made him, when he'd been unable to hold out without the stims he so desperately wanted to ask for. He always wakens sweaty, disoriented and panting, his cheeks wet with the tears he's afraid to shed while awake.

Only after disaster can we be resurrected. Only after death can we begin again.

2006-03-30T02:42:54Z

...but I'm the one left behind.

left behind...left behind...left behind...

He repeats it over and over in his mind, as he stains slides, as he bends over a microscope, peering into the very heart of the building blocks of the flora of Pegasus. He repeats it to himself as he refuses coffee from several coworkers, refuses to take his shift off, refuses to eat or sleep or go home.

He sees the day in swatches of color and light, bands of darkness seperating everything, lost time or just forgotten, he's not sure. Dr. Foster tries to send him home several times, and he pretends to go once or twice, just sliding down the wall in an unoccupied lab adjacent to the botany labs, staring off into space, waiting for the call to come--to tell him he can break down, that the bodies have been found, that his lovers are dead and he can finally let go.

it never comes

and after hours of sitting and staring, he rouses, stands, and returns to the labs, assuring his superior that he has indeed been home, has slept, and is ready to return to work.

Who is this one FOR anyway?

2006-03-02T18:42:21Z

I think this Meme was silently making fun of me >___>

A - Accent: Hopefully well-hidden canadian-french. Traumatised as a kid for my weird accent, hidden it ever since.
B - Breast size: Uh..man..sized?
C - Chore you hate: Making slides *pained groan*
D - Dad's name: Thibaud David Parrish --yes, I got the David, not the Thibaud, thank God.
E - Essential make-up item: beginning to think this meme's for the female set.
F - Favorite perfume: antiseptic and gun oil.
G - Gold or silver: neither--give me wood or some other non-mineral
H - Hometown: Atlantis
I - Insomnia: lately? God yes.
J - Job title: I'm actually not certain I have one. I know I run most of the three botany labs since Dr. Krischner went all loopy.
K - Kids: I like 'em a lot --though I'm pretty sure I'll never have one at this point--unless I pick up a spare one.
L - Living arrangements: *wide eyes* uh....I bounce between 12-G, 8-2F, and 7-B
M - Mum's birthplace: Åmmeberg, Orebro Lan, Sweden, but she only lived there as a baby.
N - Number of apples you've eaten: as many as possible, as often as possible
O - Overnight hospital stays: moreso lately than ever before. Knee surgery as a kid.
P - Phobia: *goes pale* *mumbles inaudibly* moving on..
R - Religious affiliation: none
S - Siblings: twin: Saera Kajsa Parrish
T - Time you wake up: depends on if I"m working or not--if so, 6
U - Unnatural hair colors you've worn: I accidentally dyed my hair bright red once in college--it was an experiment.
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: cauliflower--I'm sorry, cruciferous things creep me out.
W - Worst habit: I stutter when I'm not careful, that added to the constant accent-hiding leaves me sounding muddled sometimes
X - X-rays you've had: hmm---I don't know how many I had while I was in the infirmary this time. As a kid, about 10
Y - Yummy foods you make: Hmmm...waffles, chicken and dumplings, crepes, beef stew.
Z - Zodiac sign: Cancer

Your Livejournal zombie attack.

LiveJournal Username

The name of your zombie infested home town.

Your zombie killing weapon of choice.

How much do zombies scare you?

Oh noes!!11 A zombie! What do you do?

Blasting zombies left and right with a freaking twelve guage. What do you think?

doc_katie_brown

Curled into a fetal position crying their eyes out.

elisabeth_weir

Is pwning some zombies with Don't Stop Me Now playing in the background.

toniabarone

Is sitting at home watching CNN and eating ice cream.

teyla_emmagen

Get ripped to pieces by the zombies. Bummer.

mice1900

Is the zombie king who you must destroy to end the zombie menace.

rodneymckay_phd

Number of zombies you decapitate.

914

Chances you survive the zombie swarm.

65%

Fun Quizzes by Rob at BlogQuiz.Net

Sagittarius Horoscope at DailyHoroscopes.Biz

You can't always get what you want...And if you try sometime you find

2006-02-24T17:11:17Z

You get what you need

David almost didn't want to open the door, didn't want to see--the carnage, the bits and pieces strewn around, the helpless little lives cut off so quickly. But this was his responsibility, this was his burden to bear, his mistake. He'd pay the price, and dispose of all the leftover bits of lives cut off in prime.

He smacks his own forehead as the door slides open to reveal a roomfull of brown, wilted and depressed-looking plants.

"God, my biology prof would KILL ME...."

With a long-suffering sigh and the rustle of a trash bag stolen from the storage room down the hall, David grimly steps inside, pushes his sleeves up, and begins dumping little plant corpses into the trash. It takes about thirty minutes, and he's heartsick by the time he's done, dead leaves clinging to his hair and shirt. A room once lush and green with growing things is now completely empty of any plantlife save the ficus Saera had given him that just refuses to die out of spite.

he's fingering a leftover stem, eyeing the only decorations left in his room, a set of folded origami flowers of several types--with a start, he realizes he'd left his folded rose in the infirmary when he'd been there last. It seems silly to go back there now...he'd been so angry the night he'd left--hadn't even cared he was leaving it. Now it seemed so important...

He ends up sneaking into the infirmary, or at least trying, and getting caught by O'meara, scolded, glared at, and forced to undergo an exam and a blood draw. By the time he gets to go by and snatch the rose from the shelf where it still sits, he's been in the infirmary an hour, and is sporting several new bandages. His prize attained, he turns to hurry back into the hall, but halts stock-still as he hears one of the nurse's voices just the other side of the white curtain.

"now where's me Davey boy gone off to? I was gonna do another stick and take a few other samples 'fore I let the sweet thing go--think we can have 'em stay after a bit longer, play with 'em a bit more?"

A second voice laughs lightly and replies:

"oh yes yes, please....let's see....I can see if I can get a few more tests approved--a cat scan maybe, a few more samples--track him down, we'll have the dear in here all evening long!"

David ducks down on the other side of the gurney, cursing under his breath--the women were INSANE!! ghoulish!! They wander away after a moment, calling his name in twin creepy falsetto voices. He's just about to make a run for it when he notices something white stuck beneath the gurney he'd lain in for so long. he pulls it out gently, curious-and finds familiar faces staring up from the rumpled photo paper at him. It's Calvin and Marc, looking so young and so in love--painfully sweet. Scrawled at the bottom of the abused image is this barely-decipherable message...

Nick, I love you. Always Cal

David smiles, running his fingers along the surface of the ragged photograph. With a sudden purpose, he sneaks carefully out of the infirmary and heads to Lorne's quarters--the ones they'd all once shared, and knocks softly.

Crisis is actually not a good word for this.....apocalypse works.

2006-02-23T15:46:09Z

Calvin's asleep, he's so exhausted...last night was..I wonder if it will always be this intense for us, or whether it's just that we've only really had comfortsex so far? So much has happened--he just keeps this wounded look in his eyes all the time, like he's expecting something else to jump out and get him. I want to protect him from that, I want so bad to make this ok for him--but I know it won't ever be. Marc was his before I even came onboard--and I know, as much as I try, I'll never make Calvin forget that...I wonder if I'm a poor substitute. At least I won't run off and screw my superiors when Calvin and I fight, though..that has to count for something.

~there is a soft beep and the mail program pops up an alert~

Forwarded: Original message text included
Elisabeth Weir
mailed to:
Dr. MacGregor

"David- I thought you should see this. Rodney and I are working on getting it fixed, we think she's under the influence of one of those danged Ancient doohickeys, But you three might wanna stay indoors today, if you know what I mean. It's kinda wacko out here. *hugs*, Cher.--Rae
______________________________________________

Dr. MacGregor -

I will take your concerns into consideration, and am willing to consider making certain exceptions to the locked doors rule, so long as you file a report stating which doors will be locked and the override codes.

And yes, I do feel that the ban on extramarital romantic liasons is necessary. Think of all the pain we've gone through lately due to lack of certainty of commitment in relationships - particularly with Drs. Kavanagh and Parrish and Major Lorne. Of course I'm not expecting a signed marriage license before they start flirting, but before it gets any more serious than that, certainly.

-Elisabeth
______________________________________________

David slips from his chair and bends over Calvin, brushing his hair away from his face. His lover still sleeps soundly, lips parted in a perfect cupid's bow. Unable to help himself, he leans over and brushes his lips across Calvin's, bringing a sleepy soft smile to his lover's lips.

Calvin--you wake, babe? I'll be right back, I need to go fetch my datapad from the labs and grab us some breakfast...you stay here and sleep, 'kay? I'll be back in just a few minutes.

Calvin murmurs and nods sleepily and David slips into one of his lover's shirts and his own pants, his legs are too long for Calvin's. It's quiet chaos outside and David hurries along, worrying over leaving Calvin alone in the room with the door unlocked. He's in his lab after only a few minutes--it's blessedly empty and he hurries around, grabbing his datapad and paperwork to bring back to the room.

Meme from Doc Macgregor

2006-02-20T16:23:51Z

1. INITIALS: RDP
2. DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WITH THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS YOU: my twin, yeah >_<
3. FAVORITE FRUIT?: peaches
4. FOR OR AGAINST SAME SEX MARRIAGES: For, definitely, though I wonder if I'll ever get the chance, with either sex.
5. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING: sulfa drugs
6. ARE YOU BISEXUAL: uh, I'm not...really sure yet.
7. HAVE YOU EVER SLEPT IN SOMEONE ELSE'S CLOTHES: I haven't worn my own clothes since the attack. Not completely at least.
8. HOW MANY U.S. STATES HAVE YOU BEEN TO: 15
9. HOW MANY U.S. STATES HAVE YOU LIVED IN: 2
10. HAVE YOU EVER LIVED OUTSIDE THE U.S.: Uh, yeah, *points to self* Canadian
11. NAME SOMETHING PHYSICAL YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: my height
12. SOMETHING NON-PHYSICAL YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELf: I think I'm pretty friendly and easygoing, usually. I care about people a lot. Plants like me >_<
13. ANY ANIMALS?: not unless you count the flies I have for my carnivorous plants.
14. WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR: anything that *goes*
15. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD YOU GO: I'd be right here on Atlantis.
16. ARE YOU BIPOLAR: No.
17. WHAT DREAM CAR DO YOU WANT YOUR HUSBAND/WIFE TO DRIVE: I wish Calvin had something to get around in--and that we had roads for him to drive on--a motorcycle for Marc, of course.
18. WHERE WOULD YOU WANT TO GO ON A FIRST DATE: To the mainland--I've never really been.
19. WOULD YOU DATE THE PERSON THAT POSTED THIS: um, no, Doctor Zelenka would probably murder me. A lot.
20. HAS ANYONE EVER SANG OR PLAYED FOR YOU PERSONALLY: no, actually, no one ever has.
21. EVER BEEN KISSED UNDER FIREWORKS: No.
22. DO YOU LIKE PRESIDENT BUSH: No.
23. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED: No.
24. HAVE YOU EVER WHITE WATER RAFTED: yes
25. HAS ANYONE TEN YEARS OLDER HIT ON YOU: *counts* Hey Marc, Calvin-how old are you again? *grin*
26. ARE YOU RACIST: absolutely not.
27. WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: there's no music in the infirmary, unless you coung the guy snoring in the next bed.
28. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT: I'm a little to down for music.
29. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED: I don't think I've watched one since I've been on Atlantis.
30. WHERE WAS THE LAST PLACE YOU WENT BESIDES YOUR HOUSE: Marc's room.
31. HAVE YOU EVER SERIOUSLY DAMAGED SOMEONE ELSE'S PROPERTY: I once was responsible for letting a sentient plant-lifeform loose in the labs, seriously injuring many, wrecking a lot of equipment, and getting Lt. Col Sheppard posessed. I think that counts.
32. HAVE YOU EVER HIT SOMEONE OF THE OPPOSiTE SEX: my sister
33. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX: mmmmh, I like necks *grin*
34. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BODY PART ON THE OPPOSITE SEX: see above
35. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY ORDER FROM STARBUCKS: never been to one. I don't generally drink coffee unless i"m desperate to stay awake.
36. SAY SOMETHING TOTALLY RANDOM ABOUT YOURSELF: I once folded 3000 paper cranes for charity
37. DO YOU HAVE AN iPOD: no, it's an offbrand
38. HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU, YOU LOOK LIKE A CELEBRITY: hehe--heck no.
39. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES: yup, a few, on my shoulders.
40. ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR HEIGHT: *comfortable* isn't quite the word. It serves me well I suppose.
41. WHAT IS YOUR DREAM DATE: I haven't really considered it. Marc and Calvin are my first boyfriends.
42. HOW TALL ARE YOU: 6'3"
43. DO YOU SPEAK ANY OTHER LANGUAGE BESIDES ENGLISH: French
44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN A LIMO: No
45. HAS ANYONE YOU WERE REALLY CLOSE TO PASSED AWAY: Yes.
48. WHAT'S SOMETHING THAT REALLY ANNOYS YOU: the guy in the next bed SNORING *glares*
50. DO YOU LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON: yak, no.
51. HAVE YOU EVER SURFED: nope.
52. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO PUMP GAS: f'course!
53. DO YOU DRIVE: when I have a car.
54. WHAT'S THE LATEST YOU'VE EVER STAYED OUT: Like all the science staff, sometimes I dont' sleep for days.
55. HAVE YOU EVER HONESTLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO DIE: Yes
56. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN RUSHED INTO THE EMERGENCY ROOM: Yes
57. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DARED TO DO SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T WANT TO DO: of course
58. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE STATE TO LIVE IN: bliss.
59. WHATS YOUR HAIR COLOR: dark blonde
60. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES: pale blue
61. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL TALENTS: Uh, paper-folding, complex plant analyses, I can make anything grow anywhere, once did gymnastics.
62. FAVORITE NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: juice
63. FAVORITE CITY: Atlantis
64. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN A MECHANICAL BULL: LOL no, and if I had, I would have known earlier that I was slightly gay.
65. WHO DO YOU LIVE WITH?: I was living alone, but now I kind of live with Calvin and Marc, sometimes. I'm not really sure, actually.